I had a friend when I was a young girl. Her name was Daniella. She came from a pretty rough background, her mother used to beat her for petty reasons and she had a violent stepfather at the time. I thought that me and her, well as young kids do, I thought that we'd be best friends forever. One night, her mother and stepfather went out somewhere and we had her house to ourselves. We ended up getting bored and we dug through her mother's CD collection. I came across an album called "Thriller". She suggested that we put it on, so we did. The only way I can describe what I felt listening to that album for the first time, is the feeling you get when you fall in love. I listened, I loved and it took me three songs to become completely fascinated. I remember me and Daniella dancing around her messy living room to "Billie Jean" and singing "Beat It" at the top of our lungs, I wanted to replay the album over and over. That day, my life changed.
I heard "Thriller" during the winter of 2004. I guess I'm a late bloomer when it comes to music, because before that, I'd never heard of you. But, Michael, I'm so glad I found that album in that troubled little girls house. If I'd never discovered you, your music, your work, and the amazing personality you were, I don't know how I would of coped through the worst parts of my childhood without you. When I went into high school, I never made any friends during my first three years there. You became my everything. I used your voice as my comfort zone, after a hard day of being pretty much alone in a crowded school, I'd come home, put on your music and just forget everything. When my parents would fight, I'd do the same thing. I'd lose myself in the lyrics, the words and the tenderness of your voice. I spent every penny I had on your CDs, movies and as much merchandise as I could. I used to save my lunch money to do that. But a little hunger was so worth it.
Around the same time that I, shall we say, fell crazily in love with you, I heard all these crazy allegations on the TV that you were being charged for some lewd things. I didn't believe them for a single second. But I was still scared that you'd be found guilty. I can still remember the day you were acquitted. My mother shouted me downstairs and I just saw on the TV that you'd been found not guilty. I cried like a complete fool and the next day, I played every album of yours that I owned at the time, on the highest volume.I was obsessed with you. I dreamed daily of meeting you and telling you how you'd changed my life. I tried every day to dance like you and broke things. I watched "Moonwalker" and wished that I could be Katie. I wrote poems and stories that were inspired by you. You became my life and thanks to you, I am what I am today. As I grew older, you faded a little but you never, not for one second, left my heart. I knew that you would always be there, you'd never leave. You were Michael, magic, beautiful, my childhood summed up in a simple name. Then, totally unexpectedly, you were gone. Just like that. I don't want to recall that day, it's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I hate myself for ever letting you fade away from me. And I still can't believe you've been taken away. I probably never will. I swear, I love you more with each passing day.
I wish you could read this letter. I wish you could know what I feel whenever I hear your voice, see your face. I just want you to know how much you've inspired me and how you, just by being who you were, have made my life what it is now. I'll always adore you, and I'll always miss you. Every year, I'll light a candle on those two special days: the 29th of August and the 25th of June. Whenever I look up at the stars, I know that there's someone in the dark for me. I'll try my best to heal the world and make it a better place. Just for you.I love you more,
Bethany Louise.
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